PROCESSED EGGS (RED NOTICE)
On the day Disney+ made a whole palaver on social media about its own special hashtag day, Netflix was always going to counter.
So while Disney+ gave us 'Jungle Cruise,' 'Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings,' 'Dopesick' and a 'Luca' short film, Netflix responded with 'Red Notice' - a big budget heist adventure with blockbuster stars that you would normally expect to be ripping up the box office.
Starring Dwayne Johnson, Ryan Reynolds and Gal Gadot, the film, however, had a troubled production history.
Initially the subject of a major studio bidding war, the project was being hawked around by Johnson and writer-director Rawson Marshall Thurber who had previously whipped up a box office storm together with the action comedy 'Central Intelligence' and the action thriller 'Skyscraper'.
Universal and Legendary Pictures won the bidding war in 2018, with the film due to go into production in 2020.
Johnson and Gadot used their star power to pocket around $20 million each, with Reynolds being added to the cast.
However, after principal photography in Atlanta in January 2020, plans to shoot on location in Italy two months later were disrupted by the rapid spread of Covid-19 and the particularly heavy toll it extracted on the country.
As filming was halted indefinitely, the budget spiralled to $160 million with the cameras unable to roll again until last September.
Location shooting in Rome and Sardinia wrapped in November, with Netflix moving in to pick up the tab which came to $200 million - the most expensive production in the streaming giant's history.
You could understand why Netflix would be drawn to acquiring a film of this nature with three of Hollywood's most bankable stars.
You could see how it might just drive more subscribers to its service.
Following its policy of a limited theatrical release, 'Red Notice' has now arrived with all the fanfare of a typical Hollywood blockbuster with Johnson, Gadot and Reynolds doing the usual circuit of chat show interviews.
But is it a winning formula?
Marshall Thurber's movie hops around countries like a hyperactive Easter bunny, with a ridiculous plot centring around three jewelled eggs belonging to Cleopatra.
During the course of its two hours, the action revolves around Rome, Bali, Rome again, Russia, Valencia, the Argentinian jungle, Cairo, the Cayman Islands and the Louvre in Paris.
A drone swoops majestically during each change of location and in the first chapter, Ryan Reynolds' master thief Nolan Booth is about to swipe one of the eggs at an art gallery in Rome and replace it with a fake one.
Johnson's FBI criminal profiler John Hartley turns up on the scene with Ritu Arya's Interpol agent Urvashi Das and tells the gallery owners the egg they own is about to be stolen, if it hasn't been already.
Confiscating a can of Coke from a child, Hartley reveals to the sceptical owners the egg has been replaced with a fake one and when they shut down the gallery, Das and Hartley encounter Booth.
After a dazzling pursuit, he somehow manages to slip their grasp - only for Hartley and Das to track him down 36 hours later in his luxury home in Bali.
Arresting Booth, Hartley is given the egg to transport separately - only for it to be switched by Gal Gadot's master thief, The Bishop while she poses as an Interpol SWAT team member.
Returning to Rome, Hartley is about to depart when Das confronts him about the switched egg and arrests him, revealing his bank account has mysteriously swollen and the FBI has no record of an Agent going by his name.
Hartley winds up in a jail cell with - guess who? - in one of those remote Russian prisons you always see in blockbusters.
There, The Bishop turns up to taunt the two lads and make them an offer to team up and recover the remaining eggs in Valencia and a location for the third egg that only Booth knows.
Booth turns her down, with The Bishop declaring she will make off with the second egg while they languish in jail, breaking into a party in Valencia thrown by Chris Diamantipoulos' criminal Sotto Voce who has hi-tech security guarding it.
Of course Hartley and Nolan manage to escape the Russian jail and head for Spain but will they beat The Bishop to the second egg without winding up dead or in jail again?
How will they to that with Das hunting them down?
And where exactly is the third egg?
In normal circumstances, it's not hard to imagine 'Red Notice' packing audiences into multiplexes and devoted fans of Gadot, Reynolds and Johnson enjoying the heist sequences, car chases, smart arse quips and fist fights.
In some respects, it does feel like it could have done with a much longer theatrical release to allow it to thrive in its intended environment and compete with 'Fast and Furious 9' and 'No Time To Die'.
But that is a well worn battle with Netflix that was lost long before the pandemic turned most people's viewing habits upside down.
What you get with 'Red Notice,' though, is a fairly average, composite blockbuster that trades off the charisma of its lead actors.
As action comedy adventures go, it is nothing special.
Nor is it under the illusion that it is.
It just exists as a slice of big, brash but ultimately forgettable entertainment.
'Red Notice' is, however, an FA Cup draw of a film.
It's as if Thurber Marshall pulled out the names of several better movies out of a bag and then tried to stitch elements of them together in a screenplay.
So there's the ancient artefacts action adventure of 'Raiders of the Lost Ark,' 'Romancing the Stone' and 'National Treasure'.
You have got the heist elements of the 'Ocean's Eleven' movies, the hi-tech thrills of the 'Mission Impossible' franchise, the tuxedos of James Bond and the car chases of the 'Fast and Furious' films.
Thurber Marshall also riffs on the two guys and a gal dynamics of 'Lucky Lady,' the double and triple cross antics of 'The Sting' and the mismatched double act of 'Midnight Run'.
Most of all, he depends on Ryan Reynolds, Dwayne Johnson and Gal Gadot to do what they always do - playing the annoying smart alec, the muscular straight man and the glamorous kicker of male butts respectively.
The action sequences are handled decently.
The quips traded are on the worse side of corny - particularly the one about Vin Diesel and 'Cats'.
The climax of the movie features a rather irritating Ed Sheeran cameo but, hey, at least it wasn't Chris Martin - so there's a plus.
Arya's role is reduced to "I'm gonna get you" speeches, while Diamantopoulos turns in arguably the hammiest performance since the pig in 'Babe'.
It is pretty obvious that Johnson and Thurber Marshall have their sights set on a sequel, possibly a franchise.
And who could blame them if the 'Fast and Furious' movies keep packing audiences in?
With its convoluted, stitched together plot 'Red Notice' is no better or no worse.
And at least it kept Gal and her celebrity mates away from singing 'Imagine' ever again.
We hope....
('Red Notice' received a limited theatrical release in the United States on November 5, 2021 before being made available for streaming on Netflix on November 13, 2021)
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